Dylan farrow to Woody Allen, Christina McDowell to Hollywood, the World to Vladimir Putin...finally, my chance...
Here is my Open Letter to my friends, also known as, a letter.
I just wanted to take a quick moment to say thank you to all my friends. Thank you for your kind words, loving support, and more than anything...your complete care of my well being.
For those of you who may be wondering why I am on this one-way timeless adventure, I thought that I would take a little moment to explain :) For the better part of a decade I have been grinding away in the TV business, Reality mostly. I have tried nearly every position possible and actually enjoyed most of it. And for the last 4 of those 10 years, I have been part of growing a production company from the ground up. We went from working out of our homes, to a 200 sq ft windowless office with 1 employee, to a mid town NYC office, to finally a 4000 sq ft office at times employing over 60 people. Our mission, to sell TV shows and retire young. (Don't worry, this is not some douche bag way of me telling you i am retiring...not even close) So at the end of the 4th year of building the company, the 3 of us partners sat down and had an incredibly transparent conversation. You see, while the world of TV is exciting, it can also grind the hell out of you. It's not quite the glamorous life one would expect. 16+ hour days, no weekends, horrible diets, 0 routine, no vacations or recognition of national or religious holidays. You see production is like the beating heart of the body. Even when your arms and legs get to rest while you sleep, the heart still continues to work. And to succeed in production, you must be 100% committed in your heart. Ok, so back to the 3 of us sitting down...
We started talking about where we were mentally. How we were feeling? And when I actually stepped outside the work circle I had been living in, I was able to see 2 things very clearly. A macro perspective view on my life, and the deepest introspective view on my needs. And truly, it all started with 1 question. If I could wake up tomorrow and do anything, what would it be?
To back up for a quick moment. 2 years ago on Feb 4th my beloved poppa passed away. A sudden, tragic brain tumor showed up on a scan, and he was delivered a 3 month sentence. He passed away after 3 months and 7 days. We took the time he was alive to laugh, cry, and mourn the inevitable. He was always transparent through those few months about his emotions. His fears, His regrets, his wishes...And only being 60, he knew he had been short changed on life. But what he hadn't been short changed on was the family he helped raise and the people he affected. My dad was a dedicated surgeon who helped saved countless patient's eyes, not to mention lives. He was a doctor, a therapist, a father, a husband and a friend. He dedicated himself to helping others, never paying attention to his own emotional and physical needs. Even in the end when we were caretaking, he was concerned about our arms and backs while lifting him. He was the consummate giver. And while I appreciate every moment I had with my dad, I must admit that I wish he had done some things a little differently. I wish he had taken the time to foster his creativity and dreams. Opened that photo school he always talked about, quit medicine when insurance companies started intervening in his care taking practices, visited his home town of Johannesburg South Africa and gone on that photo safari...
What a lot of people didn't know, was the depth of his creativity. And my point is this...while my father lived a good life, he never fully lived his own. And while there is beauty in spending your life for others, balance is required to create harmony. Somewhere along the line, his balance got lost in the shuffle.
After his passing I felt more responsibility than ever to care for my mother and sister. I needed to make sure they were ok emotionally, physically, financially, etc. Part of that responsibility drove me deeper into work. I sought refuge in knowing I could help build something that would hopefully take care of us in the long run. Well 2 years later, my sister found her own way and is now in grad school in boulder, my momma has rennovated/cleaned the entire home and is ready for the next chapter in her story. And the only one left to figure out what he wanted to do, was me. So, in honor of my father and in pursuit of life balance I go back to that simple question; if I could wake up and do anything tomorrow, what would it be? My immediate answer? Sitting in a hammock on the western coast of Puerto Rico, where the Atlantic Ocean meets the Carribean waters, watching the sun rise and set every day.
I can't tell you what the next step will be, but I can tell you this. I will eat, breathe, love and live every day to its absolute fullest. In return I ask only one thing. Universe, continue to meet me where I am, with open arms and mind. You have given me the freedom to pave my path and I will continue to make my own waves. Reconnecting with nature, humans, sounds and smells I have ignored for so long. I am admittedly hungry for new experiences and environments. And if for just one second others are able to find their own fuel through my travels and connections, I will of had a good life. I want to meet all of the people that glue our country/world together. Everyone has a story to tell, and if for nothing else I can at least enjoy some of them over a cup of coffee, tea, or even better, a cocktail or two...
And at the end of the day, I won't ever have to ask what I could have been doing, for I will have been doing it all along.
Thank you for taking the time to read all of this and have a beautiful day.