...and yet the simple idea of it is terrifying. In 4 days I will be heading out for a 10 day Vipassana. A meditation retreat in southern Washington state. The word "Vipassana" means, to see things as they really are. So why the 10 days of silence? In this 2500+ year old practice, it is believed that 10 days is the minimum amount of time to achieve some semblance of a monastic state. It was taught in India as a universal remedy for all illness, the Art of Living. And how better to know one self than to be solely in the space of your mind. We spend so much of our lives achieving physical goals, relationship goals, career goals...but when it comes to our own mental health goals, we rarely take the time to dig deep. That time has come for me.
PRE-VIPASSANA
I am peeling back the pre-conditioned layers, cutting through my personal boundaries, and breaking down everything I know to be true. I've always felt "aware" in some sense of the word. But as I continue through my spiritual awakening, there is so much I don't know...all of it, for instance. I will be stripped of my cell phone, books, journal, eye contact and voice. My objective (without too much weight on the outcome) is to breathe into my heart. To connect my mind, body and spirit in a way I've never done before. It's taken me 34 years to find, but as it turns out, what I have been seeking has always been right there...my eyes were just not ready to see it, until now. I feel excited, scared, ready.
POST-VIPASSANA
I survived. Looking back, post the Vipassana experience, it's funny to think that there was even an ounce of fear going into it. 10 days in silence with no technology is one of the biggest blessings I've ever given myself. I'd be lying if I said it was easy. There were times of extreme frustration, self-doubt, mild panic, heightened awareness of my own mortality, etc. But those moments were counteracted with moments of true connectedness. Some days, standing merely feet away from a family of deer in the woods, almost feeling as though we could read each other's minds. Consuming incredible vegetarian meals every day, conscious bite by conscious bite. One meal, I took 5 minutes to eat a single Garbanzo bean. Shedding the soft protective skin layer, feeling it dissolve in my mouth, then observing the external hardness of the garbanzo and eventual dissolution of flakiness. I observed the way my breath feels as it enters my lungs, cold, only to instantaneously transform it's chemical compounds and exit warm. The experience was wonderful. And although not for everyone...I was able to learn and fully digest the Vipassana meditation technique. A non-sectarian form of meditation that follows the ultimate law of nature (Dhamma.) We are forever changing and in constant decay. Focusing on eliminating the cravings for pleasure and aversions towards pain, is what will ultimately help us face and eliminate the dormant volcanoes (Sanga's) that live inside us all. By observing ourselves in the present moment through our breath, we can find a space of pure living. Living in your absolute truth without judgement. Just being. There's no magic bullet or pill or deity that will help you through this process. This is an internal journey of self...and one that can lead you to pure salvation. As the teacher of this art form says: "The keys to the gates of heaven within are held only by you." This, I believe.